Erotic massage is a wonderful way to relax, connect and explore pleasure with a lover or intimate friend. On the path of Tantra, we enjoy coming together to honor and celebrate the body as a temple of delight. This experience will allow you to explore erotic energy in new ways and is also a wonderful prelude to lovemaking.
7 Benefits of Erotic Massage are:
1) It awakens the senses and activates whole-body healing.
2) It allows you to explore pleasure in new and creative ways.
3) It uses eye contact, connected breathing and touch to enhance intimacy.
4) It creates conscious connection between the giver and the receiver.
5) It uses breath, sound and movement to awaken the full-body orgasm.
6) It melts away the illusion of separation and allows Oneness to emerge.
7) It is a wonderful prelude to orgasmic sex.
Prepare a warm, quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed for the next 2 hours. Make sure all phones are turned off. Light some candles and put on some relaxing, romantic music.
The Heart Salutation
Begin with the Heart Salutation. It is an ancient tantric practice for acknowledging the Divine in each other as you enter into sacred time. Sit across from your partner and look into their eyes. Maintain eye contact throughout the rest of the process. Extend your arms towards the earth, palms together. Inhale and, keeping them together, bring your hands to your heart. Exhale, as you bow forward and acknowledge the Divine in each other. Inhale, as you straighten back up. Finally, exhale as you allow your hands to return to the starting position, pointed towards the earth.
The Bubble calls you into present moment awareness and creates a safe space in which to offer an erotic massage. Make a bubble around you and your partner with your arms so that it surrounds both of you. Remove things from the bubble that won’t serve this process (the past, distractions, anger, worry, etc.) Do this with a gesture, as if physically removing an object, while stating out-loud what you are removing. Next, bring things into your bubble that will enhance your connection (Love, willingness, Presence, trust etc.) Once again, use gestures and spoken words. Here is two examples:
“I release the past.”
” I call in passion.”
Share Your Desires, Fears and Boundaries
Once the bubble is created, share your desires, fears and boundaries related to giving and/or receiving an erotic massage. One person speaks while the other person listens, without judgment or commentary. Then, switch roles. Here is an example:
“My desire is to stay connect to erotic energy.”
“My fear is that I may fall asleep and you may feel hurt or disappointed.”
“My boundary is finish this practice by at 11 pm.”
People often think of boundaries as walls. Healthy boundaries are actually bridges that bring people together. Intimacy arises when healthy boundaries are honored. You feel safe, are open and present. Boundaries can change, so check-in periodically to see how you are feeling. If your boundary has changed, tell your partner. Please, don’t expect them to read your mind.
Giving an Erotic Massage
Decide who will give and who will receive. Invite the receiver to lay face-down on a massage table, bed or blanket on the floor. Make sure they are warm and comfortable. The giver then grounds him or herself and gently lays their hands on the receiver. Recognize this is a unique opportunity to honor and serve your beloved. Attune yourself to the receiver. One way to attune is by breathing with them for a few minutes.
Begin to awaken their skin by lightly stroking it with feathers, fur or the tips of your fingers. When you are ready, cover their body with warm oil. Use long, slow massage strokes. You are massaging more than the surface of their body. You are connecting to them on multiple levels. Encourage them to take deep breaths, make sounds and move their body. This allows the energy in the body to awaken, move and release. Use different parts of your body- your hair, arms and chest, to massage your partner. Be playful, curious and creative.
About half-way through the allotted time, invite the receiver to roll over. Massage the front of their body with warm oil, again using long strokes. Introduce sound in a new way by toning on their body, using sounds like, Ahh, Yumm or Omm. This can be a powerful tool for activating your partners energy-body.
When they are ready offer to explore their genitals. In SkyDancing Tantra we call the vagina, “Yoni,” which means “Cosmic Matrix” and the penis, “Vajra,” which means “Thunderbolt.” Begin on the outside of the genitals with oil. At first, be gentle and go slow. Allow them time to release any tension in the area. Listen to their body. Watch them respond and become aroused. Focus on what gives them pleasure. Try different strokes. Again, be creative. If you are going to do internal massage, use a water-based lubricant. How much pleasure can they allow? Are they open to exploring the possibility of multiple orgasms?
Close by spooning together and connecting your heart centers with love, compassion and gratitude. Help them to sit up and end with a Heart Salutation. Offer them water or juice to drink and a chocolate or piece of fruit to eat. You may want to share what this experience was like for you. How was it to give and/or receive in this way?