Posts

Choosing to Live from Love or Choosing to Live from Fear

Love is our natural state and true nature. As children we live in the “Field of Love,” not as a concept, as our way of being. Slowly, we begin to receive the message that it is not OK for us to Be Love. We share our Love innocently and someone explores in anger. We don’t understand what happened, we might even run away and cry, but in a few minutes we are back Being Love and loving life.

As we grow older people tells us the world is a dangerous place. There are bad people. It is not good to talk to strangers. We gradually begin to feel Fear more often than Love. Our heart becomes guarded. We begin to hide our true face and try to fit into the fear-based world. The separation begins and we loose our joy, our playfulness, our natural way of being. We begin living only as a small part of who we are. We put on a mask and try to fit in.

Then one day we meet someone and “fall in love.” In that moment we remember who we are, we experience being whole, Being Love. The mistake we make is that we assume it is the other person’s Love that made us feel whole again, instead of recognizing that that we are Love, we are whole, that is who we have always been. We don’t realize that it is by giving Love unconditionally (i.e. without Fear), that we awaken and remember our true nature as Love.

For awhile we enjoy living in the “Field of Love” again. We enjoy having someone to share it Love with. We are once again like children in the garden. We are loving, joyful and innocent human beings. The mask comes off, we feel free to be who we truly are.

Gradually, people around us want us to define our feeling for the other. They want us to label our relationship, so they can put a check in a box by our name. With the labels come beliefs, ideas and responsibilities. Suddenly, expectations arise and with expectations come disappointments. We begin to notice things we want to change about our lover. We start to feel that they don’t like us the way we are and they want us to change. We don’t feel as happy as we used too. Due to the mistake at the beginning of the relationship that they had the power to create our happiness and make us feel loved, we now begin to blame them for our unhappiness and lack of feeling loved.

This is when the Fear begins to take over again. Can he/she make me happy? Am I making a mistake? Then the denial begins. “It is not really a problem that I want to go out on Saturday night to dance and he wants me to stay home and watch TV with him. I am sure I can change him.” We then begin living a lie. We get lost in our wants and desires and start trying the control the other instead of loving who they are.

We are now doomed to a life of struggle because we are no longer giving unconditional Love, instead we are living out of Fear. The Fear comes from a belief that I am not enough, expectations that I will be loved only if I perform in a certain way and the need to control the other, so I can feel safe. This is most people’s experience of romantic relationship. Until we are able to shift out of these patterns of Fear l we are going to keep repeating the same story.

In order to shift into a world based on Love we need to develop Self-Awareness and Self- Love. Self-Awareness is the ability to feel when the heart begins to close, to notice your need to control others so you feel safe, to be able to see when judgment arises, and to develop acceptance, compassion and equanimity. Self-Love comes from being able to see yourself, be honest with yourself and loving yourself, as you are, in each moment, even when you don’t necessarily like how you are behaving. You can only love another unconditionally, when you know how to love yourself unconditionally.

Self-awareness and self-love are life-long practices. As you begin to gain mastery in them it becomes easier to notice and express in the moment what you are experiencing. This helps you to be present and take full responsibility for the choices you make and the life you are creating. There is no blame others. You are able to recognize you are Love and it becomes easier to give Love unconditionally without the expectation of getting something in return. Then you begin to live a life based on Love instead of Fear.

(C) Copyright 2010, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.

If this article interests you I recommend reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

Tantra Tip of the Day – Loving Every Moment

A Valentine’s Day Gift for You

I received this as a teaching in the fall of 2001. It came to me while I was meditating at a woman’s retreat in Montana. This was during a particularly challenging time in my life when a lot of fear and pain was arising. Over the next couple of days as I practiced “Loving every moment,” my heart opened. I felt a deep sense of peace and great joy, independent of what was happening around me. As a parting gift I created 36 little hearts out of paper and wrote these words on each of them. I gave one to each of the women at the retreat. I still have mine on the altar on top of my computer desk. It reminds me to live in the moment with an open heart.

One of the most important teachings of the Buddha, is that suffering arises out of grasping and aversion. When we experience something good we want more or we don’t want it to change. When we experience something challenging or painful we want it to stop or we push it away. Both actions cause us to suffer. Isn’t this the basic premise of every love story we have ever been told.

“Loving Every Moment,” means allowing what is, to be as it is, without judging it as good or bad. It means keeping our heart open and being the love we are, no matter what happens. When pain or fear arises the tendency is to protect our heart by shutting it down and putting on armor to protect ourselves. In the act of protecting our hearts, we cut ourselves off from the very thing we long for, which is Love. We long to love and be loved. In truth our deepest desire is to know that we are Love in form.

I invite you to try “Loving every moment,” during the month of February. Witness your heart opening and closing. Notice the habit of defending yourself. What happens the moment before your heart closes? What happens when you keep your heart open and allow the love to flow even in the face of pain and fear? How do you feel when your heart is closed? Does the world look and feel different when you able to Love the moment? How to people respond to you when you stay open? Do they see the Love you are? Do you know yourself as Love? Remember to Love yourself as you are, even when you are unable to “Love the moment.”

I would be interested in hearing about your experiences. Please leave a comment or send me an email. www.TantraForAwakening.com
(C) Copyright 2009, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.

Tantra Tip of the Day- Write a Love Poem

Poetry can be powerful way to connect to the Divine. Write a Love today. If you are single write a love poem to yourself or a friend. Here is one a wrote last summer.

Touching You

Touching you, I open.
No words spoken.
Breathing together,
I see God in your eyes.

Flesh against flesh,
Beneath cool sheets,
Subtle waves flowing.
Dreams carry me a way.

Cool lips entice me back,
Your breath on my face,
Warm, sweet as cherries,
I inhale you into my heart.

There are no words for love.
Moments of no separation,
Melting together beyond form,
On a sea of emptiness we ride.

Crystal Dawn
June 21, 2009

Learn about Crystal’s events at www.TantraForAwakening.com

Tantra Tip of the Day- You Do Not Have to Be Good

I love Mary Oliver’s poem Wild Geese it begins with these lines.

You do not have to be good
You do not need to walk on your knees, for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only need to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

This poem speaks to how much we all want to belong, to be connected with the life around us. Today, “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” What kind of animal are you? How does this animal body give and receive love? Feel into your relationship to loneliness and despair. Have compassion for your own suffering and the suffering of others. See if you can connect to the “family of things” that you are a part of, recognize you are never alone. You are life as well.

Eye Gazing and Communion – A Poem

Eye Gazing and Communion

Warmth shining on my face
My heart flowing into yours
Connection grows
You seeing me
Like honey, so sweet

Diving deeper into a dark pool
Still, calm and familiar
A homecoming
I see you
Like honey, so sweet

Energy grows and flows
Expands and melts all boundaries
Tears, smiles, tears and smiles
We know each other
Beyond form
Sisters of light and emptiness

Crystal Dawn Morris
June 6, 2009

www.TantraGal.Blogspot.com
www.TantraForAwakening.org
(C) Copyright 2009, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.

The Tantra Tip of the Day- The Dance of Ego and Essence

Original Art by Paul Heussenstamm  www.Mandalas.com

This was sent to me this morning by a friend. It speaks beautifully about the struggle of the ego to be loved and why it is never satisfied.

Today notice when your ego judges others. Notice when you don’t allow the love in. How do you create separation? Are you being present in the Now? See if you can open to Essence and love each moment just as it is.

From Choosing Love: How to Find True Love and Keep It Alive by Gina Lake
INABILITY TO COMMIT
(Edited for lenghth)

The ego doesn’t want to commit to anything—a place, a relationship, a career—because it believes that something better may be possible, and it’s willing to forgo what is present for the possibility of something better that isn’t present. Essence, on the other hand, is committed to whatever is. It doesn’t commit into the future because all that exists is the present, so it commits itself to that. This is the essential difference between the ego and Essence: The ego dreams of something better in the midst of whatever is, while Essence simply enjoys and commits attention and love to whatever is. In fact, committing attention to anything that is present results in enjoyment. This is why the ego enjoys so little—it commits attention to what isn’t present and to what it doesn’t have, and suffers over that, rather than committing attention to whatever is. It loves its fantasies, dreams, and desires more than it loves reality.

To love, we have to fall in love with reality—with what’s true right now, not with what might be true in the future or with what we want to be true in the future. Love happens in the now (like everything, really). That’s why the ego doesn’t know about love—because love is the experience of being in the now, or the present moment, and as soon as the ego experiences the now, it runs from it. Commitment takes a willingness to fall in love with reality—with the real partner who is in front of you—rather than seeking something else, either actually or through fantasy. What you commit to is what’s here right now. Who knows what will be here next? All you ever really have is what’s here right now, so it makes sense to commit to that, in other words, to give your full attention—your love—to that.

Essence experiences “the one” in whomever is showing up, and that’s the difference between Essence and the ego. It’s possible to love whoever shows up in your life. In fact, it’s very wise to do that if you want to be happy. If you don’t want to be happy, you will reject whoever shows up in your life. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be discriminating. Loving and saying yes to those who show up in your life doesn’t mean getting sexually involved with them unless you want to. Essence says yes to them—is open to them—because it is curious. And then it is very wise about getting more involved with them. Essence commits itself to someone only when love is flowing in both directions and the relationship is rewarding on many levels. The ego, on the other hand, may commit out of sexual attraction or because some other need is met through that relationship, which is not a good basis for commitment.

Commitment only makes sense when there is love, but the ego isn’t capable of love. It forms relationships based on needs, and that’s when commitment falters. As soon as someone’s needs aren’t getting met, then the commitment is questioned. Those who are identified with the ego much of the time have a very difficult time committing, while those who are identified with Essence are able to love and therefore able to commit. Eventually everyone learns to love, but relationships can be pretty volatile when egos are in charge. Even so, because relationships provide the ego with many of the practical things it values—sex, security, affection, companionship, support, and help—people who are in relationships for egoic reasons often end up discovering love. This is how life draws people out of the ego and into Essence.

Choosing Love will be published by Hampton Roads in 2010.

Read Gina’s full blog post at, https://www.radicalhappiness.com

From Choosing Love: How to Find True Love and Keep It Alive by Gina Lake, which can be purchased through https://www.facebook.com/l/;Amazon.com

www.TantraGal.Blogspot.com
www.TantraForAwakening.com

Tantra Tip of the Day – Love and Respect, Part 2

A few days ago I wrote a post call Unconditional Love and Respect. In it I talked about the “Crazy Cycle.” The other half of the equation is “The Energizing Cycle” Both of these posts discuss concepts from the book  Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

“The Energizing Cycle” = His Love Motivates- Her Respect Motivates- His Love …

According to Dr. Eggerichs once you learn how to give each other love and respect you create the “Energizing Cycle.” I certainly related to the C-O-U-P-L-E acronym for women. His suggestions correlate rather well with David Deida’s suggestions related to the needs and offerings of the masculine and feminine.

How to spell love for your wife (the feminine)
The Acronym for him is COUPLE
Closeness- She wants you to be close.
Openness- She wants you to open her up.
Understanding- Don’t try to “fix” her; just listen.
Peacemaking- She wants you to say “I’m sorry.”
Loyalty-She needs to know you are committed.
Esteem- She wants you to honor and cherish her.

How to spell respect for your husband (the masculine)
The Acronym for her is CHAIRS
Conquest- Appreciate his desire to work and achieve.
Hierarchy- Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.
Authority- Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead.
Insight- Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.
Relationship- Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
Sexuality- Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.

While this book may be a bit simplistic and has a strong Christian overtone it is worth checking out of the library.

www.TantraGal.Blogspot.com
www.TantraForAwakening.com
(C) Copyright 2009, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.

Tantra Tip of the Day – Unconditional Love and Respect

I am reading Love and Respect, The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs. It is written from a Christian point of view. The author used to be a minister. He developed his ideas during many years of doing marriage counseling. While he does quote from the Bible, I found his tone even and compassionate. He shares a some very important points that resonated with me.

He talks about “The Crazy Cycle” – Without Love, She Reacts -Without Respect, He Reacts. This reminded me of my marriage,which ended after 16 years. I remember my husband demanding my respect and me feeling confused about how to show it. At other times I felt he didn’t deserve my respect. At the same time I often felt unappreciated and unloved when my taking care of the kids, the house and working at my job received criticism or indifference.

Dr. Eggerich explains how women know how to love and want to give and receive love. Men understand respect and want to give and receive respect. So we keep giving what we want to receive and neither party is happy. The beauty is that women have the ability to teach men about love and men have the ability to teach women about respect. Once we understand this we can change our behavior and get out of the “Crazy Cycle.”

He points out that there is an acceptance of the concept of ‘unconditional love” but not one of “unconditional respect.” The concept of “unconditional respect” really resonated with me. Men need to feel respected for who they are no matter what they do, just as women need to be loved for who they are no mater what they act. This was an AH HA! moment for me. While love and respect are similar they each have a slightly different quality. I could see that this is a very important bit of knowledge that I have been missing. I have been giving men love when they wanted respect and they have been giving me respect when I wanted love.

Once you learn how to get out of the “Crazy Cycle” He shares tools for creating what he calls the “Energizing Cycle.” I will be sharing about that soon.

https://www.loveandrespect.com/content/about_love_and_respect.php

www.TantraForAwakening.com
www.TantraGal.Blogspot.com
(C) Copyright 2009, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.

Tantra Tip of the Day- Have a Love Affair

When you fall in love, suddenly you feel so good. You walk around with your heart open, smiling at complete strangers, feeling generous, happy and alive. You want the whole world to feel the love you are experiencing. The reason you feel this way because you are completely open to love and have let go of any resistance to what is. The object of your love has allowed you to know your true nature as Love.

Instead of falling in love with a person who eventually will disappoint you by being human, what would it be like to fall in love with your life? Having a love affair with your life is to being present in each moment and witnessing the miracle of life unfolding before you. It is appreciating all that you receive as a gift, without judging it.

Try this: Today, have a love affair with life. Can you remember the last time you fell in love? How did you feel? What did you do to express your joy? Take in the beauty all around you, buy yourself flowers, take a friend to lunch and tell them you are in love. Write a love poem about your life. What do you notice, when your life becomes your beloved?

C) Copyright 2009, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.
www.TantraForAwakening.com
www.TantraGal.Blogspot.com

Tantra Tip of the Day – The Power of Love

What is this power we call Love? What does it feel like in your body? How is it for you to give it to others? How much are you able love yourself? Are you able to fully receive love? Is there a limit to how much you are willing to take in? Are you better at giving love or receiving it? Can you connect with Source and allow Love to fill you and nourish you. Today notice your relationship to love in all its forms.
(C)Copyright 2009, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.
www.TantraForAwakening.com
www.TantraGal.Blogspot.com