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The Safe Sex Talk and Sharing Your Sexual History

Sexual attraction is a fact of life. We meet that special someone and Bang! A powerful connection is made that leads an irresistible desire to have sex. It may be more common when you are young, single and feeling a bit impulsive, but it can happen to anyone, at any age.  We call it “sexual chemistry.” However, mixing chemicals can be dangerous if you lack information about how they will react when mixed together. Having unprotected sex with someone, without knowing their sexual history and is just as risky as mixing two unknown chemicals together. Sometimes the result maybe life threatening, sometimes a non-event and on rare occasions an amazing discovery is made.

Having the Safe Sex Talk

Sex is a healthy part of life and a powerful way to share love and intimacy. It is important to learn how to be clear and honest about your sexual history before engaging in sex. Unprotected sex can lead to infection, pregnancy, infertility, and life-threatening diseases.

  1. Know your own sexual history. Get tested for sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) regularly.
  2. Practice sharing your sexual history with a friend so you are comfortable talking about it.
  3. Get educated about STI’s- know their prevalence, risks, and treatments.
  4. Commit to discussing safer sex before engaging in any exchange of body fluids.
  5. Have the discussion in a neutral atmosphere, not as you are about to climb in bed together.
  6. Be prepared, carry condoms with you and know how to use them. Practice before hand.
  7. Know your bottom line. What risks are you NOT willing to take? Be ready to say NO!
  8. Pregnancy is also a risk of unprotected intercourse. Use birth control if you don’t want a baby.
  9. If you have taken risks in the past, don’t be afraid to get tested and treated.
  10. Love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries and honor them.

How to Begin

When you meet someone and feel that sexual chemistry is there be aware that you need to have the safer sex talk before you find yourself in a sexually charged situation. When the time feels right begin by acknowledging the attraction you feel. “Ever since we met I have been aware that I am very attracted to you sexually.” Find out if the feeling is mutual. There is no need to share your history with someone who has no desire to be sexual with you. If they are also interested in becoming sexually involved then tell them you would like to set aside a time to have a discussion about safer sex and to share your sexual histories with each other.

Getting Tested

Depending on how sexually active you have been, the last time you were tested and any risky behaviors you may have had since then, you may choose to go and get an STI exam and HIV test before you have the safer sex talk. This way you will have current information to share either before or shortly after your discussion. The testing can be done with your doctor’s office, at a public health center, or family planning clinic. STI’s tests may include: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea (the Clap), Syphilis, Candida (yeast infection), Hepatitis B, Herpes simplex 1 and 2, HIV, HPV (genital warts and cervical dysplasia), Crabs, and Trichomonis (trich). While you are there ask any questions you have and pick up information about birth control, STI’s and HIV.

Having the Talk

Meet in a private place when you won’t be disturbed. Make sure you have a couple of hours set aside so that you don’t have to stop in the middle. Turn off your cell phones. Bring your test results with you if you have them. One powerful way to begin is by each sharing your intention for this communication, any fears or concerns you have about this talk and any boundaries you need to express. A boundary is what you need to feel safe and stay open, it is not a wall, it is a bridge to help you stay present. A healthy boundary for this communication might be to agree that whatever is shared will remain confidential. Another type of boundary is, “I need to end by 10 pm.”

Then agree who will go first. Only one person should speak at a time. The other person listens quietly and only interrupts if they need to clarify a specific detail. When the first person is complete then switch roles. Topics to cover may include:

  • History of STI’s. Were they successfully treated? Last date tested.
  • HIV risks- IV drug use, unprotected anal sex, homosexual encounters, and unprotected sex with prostitutes. The results of your last HIV test results. Any risks since then?
  • History of risky behavior- unprotected sex or partners who had unprotected sex. IV drug use or partners who used IV drugs. Use of drugs and alcohol during or before sexual activity.
  • The number of sexual partners you have had. The risk of STI’s and HIV increases if you have unprotected sex with multiple partners.
  • History of rape, blood transfusions or other risks.
  • Agreeing to keep each other’s sexual history and test results confidential.

Sexual expression is important part of a healthy life-style and is wonderful way to share love and intimacy. This talk is the beginning of your relating on an intimate level with this person. Honesty is a great way to build respect and trust. Know that you are responsible for the choices you make. Only you can protect yourself. Don’t rely on someone else to protect you. Sex involves risk, as does all of life.  By practicing safer sex you are limiting the risks you are taking. You are making conscious choices and accepting the possible risks involved. The only 100% guarantee for avoiding the risk of STI’s and pregnancy is abstaining from sexual contact. I hope that this article supports you in having a healthy and enjoyable sex-life.

Copyright 2012 Crystal Dawn Morris

If you’d like to learn more about Conscious Sexuality and Tantra or want to attend Crystal’s events, please sign-up for her free monthly newsletter at: https://www.TantraforAwakening.com

Crystal Dawn Morris is a Certified Sky Dancing Tantra Teacher and the founder of Tantra for Awakening. She is committed to creating a more conscious and compassionate world. She offers Tantra workshops, Intimacy Coaching and Couples Retreats. She teaches a Tantra Teacher Certification program called The Art and Business of Teaching Tantra. She lives in Sedona, AZ where she practices yoga, writes and enjoys life. She loves to travel and is open to teaching and coaching in your community.

Awakening the Full Body "O"

Art available at Mandalas.com

Human beings are naturally ecstatic, it is only through conditioning that we loose our ability the feel  Bliss daily. Tantra is a path that recognizes that sexual energy can open up the field of ecstasy and expand Awareness. It teaches people how to move their sexual energy, which is life force energy, from their genitals, up to the top of their head, and everywhere in between. This allows the entire physical and energetic body to become full of Bliss. When the sexual energy reaches the crown it can expand a person’s Awareness of the mystical realms, allowing them to recognize they are Consciousness in human form.

A full body orgasm is the experience of feeling your whole body vibrating with orgasmic energy. This can be done outside of a sexual context as well as while making love. Anyone can learn how to have a full body orgasm by following the steps below.

7  Steps for Opening the Inner Flute:

1) Stand with your knees hip width apart and slightly bent.

2) Breathe through your mouth and deep into the belly, allowing it to expand begin activating your sexual energy.

3) Once you have master the belly breath you can increase the intensity by inhaling as if you are sipping through straw. Exhale with an open mouth and release a deep sound from the belly. Sound also intensifies the expansion of energy.

4) Now, allow your pelvis to begin rocking. Keeping the knees bent, let your pelvis rotate freely. As you inhale rock the hips back, arching the small of the back. As you exhale, tuck the tail bone under, flattening the small of the back. Breath, sound and movement are the 3 Keys of Sky Dancing Tantra.

5) Next, add the PC pump. As you inhale squeeze the pelvic floor muscles pulling them upwards and as you exhale let them relax back down. It feels a bit like you are trying to stop and start a stream of urine. These are sometimes called Kegel exercises.

6) Put all the steps together. As you inhale imagine you are breathing the energy up from your root to your heart. Practice this until you feel the energy pulsing from your root to your heart. You can play with speeding up and slowing down your respiratory rate.

7) Once you have mastered connecting root and heart move the energy up to the crown. Practice until you can feel the energy flowing from your root to your crown. See yourself as a rainbow bridge of light connecting Earth and Sky. This is a wonderful way to get your energy flowing.

Once the’ Inner Flute” is open you are ready to feel erotic energy  throughout your physical and energetic bodies. This allows you to experience the  Full Body Orgasm both sexually and outside a sexual context.

3 Steps to the Ecstatic Response Process:

1) The “Streaming Reflex” helps you recognize that your body is made of ecstatic energy which you can stimulate and expand whenever you want to. You learn to experience orgasmic energy outside of a sexual context and discover that you can awaken your own pleasure body with out genital contact. The practice-You begin by standing with your feet hip width apart and knees bent. Allow your thighs to begin to vibrate side to side. Allow the vibration the spread up and down the body until your whole body is vibrating. It is helpful to do this with music, I recommend Osho’s Kundalini Meditation CD. It is also helpful to have

2) The “Ecstatic Response” is the process of being relaxed in high states of arousal. You learn to become a bigger container for ecstatic energy and to relax fully letting the energy naturally expand. The effect is one of sexual excitement and deep peace. When you master the ecstatic response you move beyond the genital orgasm and discover the full body orgasm. The practice- After several minutes of your whole body streaming lay down on the floor with your knees bent and your feet close together. Let your knees gently fall apart like a butterflies wings opening. Allow your body to relax fully and continue to open and close your knees. This process allows the ecstatic energy to spread throughout the body. This is best done listening to gentle, relaxing music.

3) Once you mastered Opening the Inner Flute and the Full Body Orgasm outside a sexual context you can introduce these practices into your love making and experience them within a sexual context. Sex becomes an alchemical experience that transforms the physical body into the Bliss Body.

Copyright 2010 Crystal Dawn Morris

5 Keys to Eye Gazing for Soulful Sex

A Timeless Practice

The eyes are the “windows to the soul.” When we gaze deeply into the eyes of another person, we can see beyond their physical body and personality into their essence. The practice of eye gazing is an ancient practice found in both Hindu and Buddhist Tantra as well as in the Sufi tradition. This practice is considered to be a path to enlightenment. It is a wonderful way to connect at the soul level. It can to done with your beloved before and during sex.

Eye gazing is something you have probably done naturally, while gazing into the eyes of a newborn baby or when you first fell in love. Even when you are in a conversation and maintain eye contact, you are doing a less focused form of eye gazing. Eye gazing can be done as a one-on-one meditation with a friend or beloved. It can also be done solo by gazing into a mirror. You can integrate it into daily life by engaging people briefly, in passing, with the intent that when you meet their eyes you will see beyond their form, into their essence. Some of the benefits of this practice include: becoming more present, opening your heart and expanding your awareness of the Divine in all beings.

1) The Heart Salutation

You begin this practice by acknowledging the Divine in each other with a Heart Salutation. Sit across from your partner and look into their eyes. Maintaining eye contact throughout the rest of the process, begin by extending your arms towards the earth, palms together. Then, inhale and keeping your hands in prayer position, bring them to your heart. Exhale, as you bow forward and acknowledge the Divine in each other with the Sanskrit salutation “Namaste,” which means “I honor the Divine in you as a reflection of the Divine within me.” Inhale, as you straighten back up. Finally, exhale as you allow your hands to return to the starting position, pointed towards the earth.

2) The Bubble

Now, create a bubble around you and your partner. Do this by waving your arms around both of you defining the shape of the bubble that surrounds you. Then gesture, as if removing an object from your bubble and verbally say out loud what you are removing from the bubble. These are things that won’t serve you in this practice (the past, distractions, anger, worry, etc.) Next, gesture and state what things you want to bring into the bubble. These are things that will enhance your connection (love, willingness, presence, trust etc.) At this point, you may want to offer an appreciation or blessing to the other person (“I honor your heart, which gives so much love to the world.”) Creating the bubble helps to call you into present moment awareness and creates a safe space in which to practice the eye gazing meditation.

3) Share Your Desires, Fears and Boundaries

Once the bubble is created, share your intentions/desires, fears and boundaries related to this practice. First, one person speaks while the other person listens without judgment or commentary. Then you switch roles. Here is an example:

“I desire to stay present, open and connect deeply to your soul.”

“My fear is that I will get self-conscious and will start acting silly.”

“My boundary is to stay connected to you, even if resistance arises.”

Why boundaries? When I teach this practice in my classes, people often have resistance to setting boundaries. I explain that boundaries are not walls, they are bridges. Bridges help bring people together. Intimacy happens when people have “healthy” boundaries. Healthy boundaries allow you to feel safe, stay open and be present. Boundaries are dynamic, so it is important to check-in periodically with yourself to see if your boundaries have changed. If they have changed, update your partner so they can honor your new boundaries. Here are a few examples:

“I need to end this practice by noon.”

“I don’t want to be touched during this meditation.”

“I am committed to staying present in this practice. If I go into thinking, I will close my eyes for a moment and bring myself back into the practice.”

4) Eye Gazing Practice

Once you have created the bubble and shared your desires, fears and boundaries, begin the eye gazing practice. Traditionally, it is recommended that you begin by gazing into left eye. This is because the left side of the body is considered to be the receptive side. Use a soft gaze. This is not a staring contest. It is ok to change eyes if and when you feel called too. Just relax, breathe and allow the experience to unfold. Notice what arises without judging it. Be open and curious, like a child.

You can do this practice for as long as you want. I suggest you begin with 2 to 5 minutes of eye gazing the first time you try it. Then close your eyes, go inside and reconnect internally for 1-2 minutes. When you are ready, open your eyes and begin again. Extend the time as you get more comfortable with the process. Doing this practice for an extended period of time can take you to new levels of connection. Set aside a time when you can practice for 45 to 60 minutes. Eye gazing is a great way to discover how open you are and to notice when resistance arises. If you feel resistance, allow it to be there. Feel it and see if you can allow it to melt away.

5) Share Your Insights

Afterward discuss your experience with your partner. How does it feel to be seen? How does it feel to look deeply into another person? Were you able to see beyond their body and personality? Did you notice their face changing form? Did you feel your heart open? This is a great practice for developing intimacy. It can be helpful to keep a journal of your experiences.

Eye gazing is a simple and powerful practice. It cuts though illusion and opens the door to Truth. When done regularly, it can transform your understanding of who you are. Even if this is the only Tantric practice you ever do, you could Awaken through it alone. I invite you to practice eye gazing with your friends as well as your lovers. When done before and during sex eye gazing can enhance your connection both sexually and spiritually, making love then becomes a powerful meditation.

Copyright 2011 Crystal Dawn Morris