Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I read Gangaji’s book The Diamond in Your Pocket: discovering your true radiance. This book is a gold mine of wisdom. I found answers to questions I have been curious about for years. She speaks with such clarity about emptiness, which is not so easy to do. As I read the words, I began to notice a real shift in my consciousness. My ego seemed to be dissolving. (It is an interesting thing to watch, this letting go of me as a separate being.) I have had many experiences over the years of entering ecstatic states of bliss, oneness, unity consciousness and they were marvelous, but as Gangaji points out- they end. This process is different. I am not in an ecstatic state. Instead of an “I” being aware, there is awareness of Awareness, that which never changes. This is a shift into a new way of being.
After Christmas I went online to see if she had any workshops in the near future and, to my joy, she was scheduled in San Diego Jan.10-11. I signed up immediately. My time with her was delightful. Her presence has a translucent quality and I could feel the Truth flow from her as a gentle, penetrating light. On Saturday afternoon, as we meditated with her, I felt a bouquet of roses, the color of emptiness, blossom and open my heart. This was so visceral I could almost smell the love and freedom as they filled the room. The path of self- inquiry she shares is so direct and powerful. Awareness is so clear and pure. I see now that thoughts, feelings, and desires will continue to come and go and yet this Awareness is always here in each moment.
This morning, I awoke at 4 a.m. and there were negative thoughts, fears that I am not being productive enough, to-dos, and concerns about the future. (There has been a noticeable desire to be in the flow and not to do for the past several weeks.) I lay in bed and watched the thoughts. I stayed aware and still the thoughts came and went. My mind remained busy until about 6:30, when I dozed off. I got up at 7:30 a.m. and watched a Gangaji DVD. It helped to hear her speak of Awareness and the traps the mind sets. Awareness settled in again. What I am learning is to stay present and watch the mind to see the story and not get caught in it, to feel the emotions but not become them, allowing whatever is arising to be as it is- conscious of it all and yet knowing it is not me. It is a new way of being and seeing.
Questions arise, lots of questions and, as Gangaji so beautifully suggested, there is nothing to expect and who is there to expect it anyhow?” So I relax, stay present and allow Truth to be revealed. https://www.gangaji.org/
“Life is the Guru kissing, slapping, confirming, denying. What does it mean to be true to who you are?” Gangaji