Sexual attraction is a fact of life. We meet that special someone and Bang! A powerful connection is made that leads an irresistible desire to have sex. It may be more common when you are young, single and feeling a bit impulsive, but it can happen to anyone, at any age. We call it “sexual chemistry.” However, mixing chemicals can be dangerous if you lack information about how they will react when mixed together. Having unprotected sex with someone, without knowing their sexual history and is just as risky as mixing two unknown chemicals together. Sometimes the result maybe life threatening, sometimes a non-event and on rare occasions an amazing discovery is made.
Having the Safe Sex Talk
Sex is a healthy part of life and a powerful way to share love and intimacy. It is important to learn how to be clear and honest about your sexual history before engaging in sex. Unprotected sex can lead to infection, pregnancy, infertility, and life-threatening diseases.
- Know your own sexual history. Get tested for sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) regularly.
- Practice sharing your sexual history with a friend so you are comfortable talking about it.
- Get educated about STI’s- know their prevalence, risks, and treatments.
- Commit to discussing safer sex before engaging in any exchange of body fluids.
- Have the discussion in a neutral atmosphere, not as you are about to climb in bed together.
- Be prepared, carry condoms with you and know how to use them. Practice before hand.
- Know your bottom line. What risks are you NOT willing to take? Be ready to say NO!
- Pregnancy is also a risk of unprotected intercourse. Use birth control if you don’t want a baby.
- If you have taken risks in the past, don’t be afraid to get tested and treated.
- Love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries and honor them.
How to Begin
When you meet someone and feel that sexual chemistry is there be aware that you need to have the safer sex talk before you find yourself in a sexually charged situation. When the time feels right begin by acknowledging the attraction you feel. “Ever since we met I have been aware that I am very attracted to you sexually.” Find out if the feeling is mutual. There is no need to share your history with someone who has no desire to be sexual with you. If they are also interested in becoming sexually involved then tell them you would like to set aside a time to have a discussion about safer sex and to share your sexual histories with each other.
Depending on how sexually active you have been, the last time you were tested and any risky behaviors you may have had since then, you may choose to go and get an STI exam and HIV test before you have the safer sex talk. This way you will have current information to share either before or shortly after your discussion. The testing can be done with your doctor’s office, at a public health center, or family planning clinic. STI’s tests may include: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea (the Clap), Syphilis, Candida (yeast infection), Hepatitis B, Herpes simplex 1 and 2, HIV, HPV (genital warts and cervical dysplasia), Crabs, and Trichomonis (trich). While you are there ask any questions you have and pick up information about birth control, STI’s and HIV.
Having the Talk
Meet in a private place when you won’t be disturbed. Make sure you have a couple of hours set aside so that you don’t have to stop in the middle. Turn off your cell phones. Bring your test results with you if you have them. One powerful way to begin is by each sharing your intention for this communication, any fears or concerns you have about this talk and any boundaries you need to express. A boundary is what you need to feel safe and stay open, it is not a wall, it is a bridge to help you stay present. A healthy boundary for this communication might be to agree that whatever is shared will remain confidential. Another type of boundary is, “I need to end by 10 pm.”
Then agree who will go first. Only one person should speak at a time. The other person listens quietly and only interrupts if they need to clarify a specific detail. When the first person is complete then switch roles. Topics to cover may include:
- History of STI’s. Were they successfully treated? Last date tested.
- HIV risks- IV drug use, unprotected anal sex, homosexual encounters, and unprotected sex with prostitutes. The results of your last HIV test results. Any risks since then?
- History of risky behavior- unprotected sex or partners who had unprotected sex. IV drug use or partners who used IV drugs. Use of drugs and alcohol during or before sexual activity.
- The number of sexual partners you have had. The risk of STI’s and HIV increases if you have unprotected sex with multiple partners.
- History of rape, blood transfusions or other risks.
- Agreeing to keep each other’s sexual history and test results confidential.
Sexual expression is important part of a healthy life-style and is wonderful way to share love and intimacy. This talk is the beginning of your relating on an intimate level with this person. Honesty is a great way to build respect and trust. Know that you are responsible for the choices you make. Only you can protect yourself. Don’t rely on someone else to protect you. Sex involves risk, as does all of life. By practicing safer sex you are limiting the risks you are taking. You are making conscious choices and accepting the possible risks involved. The only 100% guarantee for avoiding the risk of STI’s and pregnancy is abstaining from sexual contact. I hope that this article supports you in having a healthy and enjoyable sex-life.
Copyright 2012 Crystal Dawn Morris
If you’d like to learn more about Conscious Sexuality and Tantra or want to attend Crystal’s events, please sign-up for her free monthly newsletter at: https://www.TantraforAwakening.com
Crystal Dawn Morris is a Certified Sky Dancing Tantra Teacher and the founder of Tantra for Awakening. She is committed to creating a more conscious and compassionate world. She offers Tantra workshops, Intimacy Coaching and Couples Retreats. She teaches a Tantra Teacher Certification program called The Art and Business of Teaching Tantra. She lives in Sedona, AZ where she practices yoga, writes and enjoys life. She loves to travel and is open to teaching and coaching in your community.