Give Her Your Masculine Presence
Spacious awareness is one of the qualities of masculine energy. When you step out of mental chatter and are fully present in the moment, she will feel it and want to open to you. Women like to feel special and, when you focus your full attention on her she will begin to feel like the Goddess that she is.
If she is open to physical touch and the setting is appropriate, greet her is with a melting hug. If you are taller, bend your knees and align with her, belly-to-belly, heart-to-heart. Place your right hand on her heart and your left hand on her lower back, as you hold her, breathe with her. When the hug ends, look deeply into her eyes without speaking. See the Goddess within her and let her see the God within you. Then, share something that you appreciate about her, “You look radiant tonight.”
Listen to Her Body
Flow is one of the qualities of feminine energy. In order to be in her flow, a woman needs to open her heart, connect with her body and her breath. Spend as much time listening to her body, as you do to her words. Tune into her breath. Is her breath shallow or deep? How is she holding her body? Is her body tense or relaxed? How does her heart feel? Is it open or closed? Allow your presence to help her to open her heart and relax her body. This happens when she trusts you and feels she can relax and surrender into the moment. The more present you are the more she can surrender.
One way to tune into her body is by lying next to her- either spooning behind her with your hand over her heart or facing her in the Scissors Position. (Scissors Position- one of her legs between yours and her other leg is resting on top of your hip.) Then, begin to breathe with her. If you are facing her, you can also gaze into each other’s eyes as you breathe together.
Try exploring touch in a variety of ways. Touch has a qualitative difference depending on the intention you have when you touch someone. Are you touching them to give them pleasure or to take pleasure for yourself? Are they tolerating your touch or drinking it in with relish. Be sensitive to how you give and receive touch. Explore touching each other while holding different intentions- give, take, accept, allow, adore, and tolerate. See what you discover through your touching process.
Try something new- blindfold her and spend an hour caressing every part of her body, except her yoni. (Yoni is a Sanskrit word, meaning “cosmic matrix,” which we use in Tantra instead of the term “vagina.”) Use your fingers, lips, hands, feathers, flowers and even food. When her whole body is vibrating with desire it will be easier to listen to what her body wants sexually.
Also, remember that women enjoy giving, as well as receiving. Give your Goddess a chance to give you pleasure too. See if she can read your body. Tell her how you like to be touched. You might want to let her blindfold you and touch you body everywhere accept your vajra, (“vajra,” means thunderbolt in Sanskrit and is the word we use in Tantra instead of “penis.”) to get you vibrating as well. Allow pleasure to flow and guide you into lovemaking if that feels right to both of you.
When you are making love, let go any ideas you have about what “should” occur, let pleasure be your guide. Let go of expectations and see what unfolds. Be respectful of each other. Allow your body-wisdom to guide you both into places neither of you may have been to before.
Honor Her Temple and Close the Gate
After making love, take time to honor and appreciate the connection you shared. Snuggle and breathe together for a few minutes. Intercourse involves entering the woman’s body, her “temple.” After sex of any kind, but especially after intercourse, she needs time to integrate her experience. One way to facilitate this is to end your sacred time together by placing your hand over her yoni. Be very present and hold space for her so she can allow her experience to integrate physically, emotionally and spiritually. Then, consciously close the gate of her yoni. This ritual helps a woman to ground back into her body and it creates a sense of completion. It also makes a woman feel that she is being honored and treated with care.
Thanks for taking the time to read this article. Go out and apply what you have learned. Being a better lover means creating a world with more love in it and the world can always use more love.
(C)Copyright 2010, Crystal Dawn Morris, all rights reserved.