The best way for a woman to expand her orgasmic potential is by getting to know her own body. Self-pleasuring (commonly called “masturbation”) is a way of finding a deeper connection to your own life-force energy, which is the power of creation that flows through all of life. It can even be a spiritual practice when it is done with Presence, awe and reverence. Through self-pleasuring, a woman can learn to expand her awareness and capacity for Bliss.
Self-pleasuring allows you time to discover what excites you without being concerned about pleasing your partner. You get to experiment with different types of touch, pressure, speed and find new erogenous zones. I recommend self-pleasuring several times this week. Take your time and connect deeply with yourself. Let your inner body-wisdom guide you. As you touch yourself, stay present to where the energy flows. Allow your sessions to be an adventure in self-discovery.
Notice if any resistance comes up around self- pleasuring. If it does, ask yourself these questions: What is my relationship to pleasure? Do I make time for it in my life? How often? Do I find reasons for not giving myself pleasure? If you are in a habit of limiting the amount of pleasure in your life, explore what old beliefs you have about pleasure, sex, and masturbation. You may be harboring sexual shame or guilt. You may feel that spending time on yourself is wasteful or selfish. Now is a good time to reframe those beliefs by restating them in ways that are sex and pleasure-positive.
Once you have explored the nuances of pleasuring yourself and feel confident in your ability to bring yourself to orgasm, you may want to share this wisdom with your lover. Learning to share how you like to be loved is a great way to deepen intimacy with your partner and increases the likelihood of being touched in ways that most arouse and satisfy you. This requires an important communication skill, called the “3-Part Communication.”
The 3-Part Communication
1) Acknowledge the person for something they are doing well: “I love it when you caress me back.” or “Thank you for being willing to spend this time with me.”
2) Ask for what you want: “What would feel even better to me in this moment is for you to touch me even more slowly.”
3) Appreciate and acknowledge the change: ” Oh yes. That feels so good! You are doing it just right.” This communication style will dramatically increase the likelihood of being touched in a way that pleases you and makes your lover feel good too.
As you take personal responsibility for your desires being met, you will be want to release old beliefs that no longer serve you such as, “It’s my lover’s job to magically figure out what turns me on.” These kinds of ideas lead to feelings of being hurt and/or disappointed. Instead, recognize you are the generator of your orgasms. By learning what turns you on and asking for what feels good in the moment, you can expand your capacity for ecstasy.
Expanding your orgasm through the practice of self-pleasuring and expressing your sexual desires adds a whole new dimension to your lovemaking. It is a great way to increase self-awareness and expand your capacity for Bliss. It also adds juiciness to your sexual relationships. Enjoy!
(c)Copyright 2010 Crystal Dawn Morris Sedona, AZ
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