Safe Sex Script Makes Awkward Easy

chat-23713_1280This “script” is a good way to initiate a conversation about your sexual history and to ask someone else to share their sexual history with you.  Review your answers to the statements below. Practice saying them out loud in front of a mirror. Next, share this process with a friend or lover. Ideally, this is done prior to finding yourself in a sexually charged situation.

  1. “The last time I got tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s) was…”
  1. A. “The tests I had done were…”   B. “The results of those tests were…”

A Comprehensive STI Panel consists of: HIV, Syphilis (Rapid Plasma Reagin test), Oral Herpes (HSV-1), Genital Herpes (HSV-2), HPV, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C. Female testing usually includes a Pap Smear and wet mount to check for other common vaginal infections.

  1. “My sexual orientation is…” (Straight, Gay, Bi, Transgender, Fluid…)
  1. “My relationship status is…” (Single. Dating. Living with a lover. Married. In an open relationship with one or more persons. Fluid bonded with one or more persons.)
  1. “My current relationship agreements that you need to be aware of are…”
  1. “My safer sex practices and/or boundaries are…”  
  1. “I use___________ to prevent unwanted pregnancies.”
  1. Share any risky activities you may have experienced since you were last tested.
  1. Then ask the other person, “How about you?”Listen closely to what they say and how they say it…  Ask questions, if you need clarification.
  1. If, after you both have shared your sexual histories you decide to engage in sex, take time to discuss what sexual activities you are open to at this time and what is off the menu. Share you desires, fears and “healthy boundaries.” Healthy boundaries are what you need to feel safe and stay open; they are dynamic and can expand as well as contract. Intimacy grows when you stay present, are authentic and communicate clearly using “I” statements.

©2015 Crystal Dawn Morris, The Love and Freedom Coach, Tantra Teacher, ISTA Faculty

www.TantraForAwakening.org  928.862.0762  Crystal@tantraforawakening.org

The Alchemy of Sacred Relating

I have been in a crucible of transformation which began May 7th with me co-facilitating the, Level One Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Practitioner Training, with Baba Dez Nichols. Learn more about it at: https://schooloftemplearts.org/ . This training is the foundational work required to bring you into a place a presence and internal ease so you can begin holding space for others in their healing process. This was my forth time of being exposed to this work and it was anchored within me in a whole new way. I am now in day 4 of the Level Two SSSPT which a process of totally integrating and coming into inner harmony no matter what things look or feel like. Very powerful work. Level 2 includes 3 powerful initiations- 1) spiritual, 2) shamanic and 3) sexual. Tonight will will be exploring Sacred Union, which begins within our own being first. The Universe, being very generous, placed this article in my inbox this morning. I hope you enjoy it as much as I am. It can be found at https://tomkenyon.com/alchemyofrelationship .

The Alchemy of Relationship by Tom Kenyon

This article was taken from the Magdalen Manuscript (ORB Communications).

Many of us do relationships the way we play poker. We do everything possible to get the upper hand. And if that fails, we bluff. We pretend to hold cards we don’t have. We cheat. We lie.

And while this is the model for many a relationship in our post modern era, it is not the model for Sacred Relationship as described in the Manuscript.

Let me be very up front here. Sacred Relationship is not for everyone. In fact, I suspect that there are far fewer persons capable or even willing to undertake it than there are those who prefer to play emotional card games.

This type of relationship demands utmost honesty both with oneself and with one’s partner. Instead of hiding our cards, we lay them all out on the table. All our hopes, all our fears, all our petty and jealous thoughts, all our conniving: all of it gets laid out in the clear light of awareness for our partner to see. And he or she must do the same. It will not work if there are back doors unlocked with mental escape in mind. It will not work if both partners are not absolutely impeccably honest with each other. And the reason for this radical type of honesty is that without it, the Alchemy of Relationship cannot take place. Now this may be a new term to many, even students of internal alchemy, since the dynamics of intimate relationship are rarely discussed in the four major alchemical streams (Egyptian, Taoist, Yoga Tantra and Buddhist Tantra).

So I think it might be good to define what I mean here, and to lay some type of foundation. Like all types of alchemy, this type of work is about changing one form into another. The form, in this case, is the inter-dynamics that have become habituated between two people. After a while, people tend to get into ruts. The liveliness that existed at the beginning of the relationship begins to fade. Both people become more or less unconscious. The harsh reality is that it takes continual vigilance and effort to keep a relationship conscious and alive.

Many relationships drop by the wayside because the partners are either unwilling or unable to make the efforts required to sustain them. Instead of experiencing the newness of each moment within the relationship, a kind of dullness seeps in over time; what used to be exciting is now boring. And worse, a kind of psychological and emotional lethargy sets in, and both partners succumb to the dulling effects of unconsciousness.

This type of unconsciousness is a death knell to psychological awareness and insight; and although it is rarely mentioned, this type of unconsciousness has a negative effect on one’s spiritual life as well. So the form that needs to be changed within a relationship is literally the form of interactions that habitually take place between the two partners.
Like all types of alchemy, there must be a container for the reactions to occur. And in this case, it is the container of safety and appreciation that provides the reservoir for transformation. If there is a lack of safety or appreciation, this type of alchemy cannot be undertaken. And if you have decided you wish to try this type of alchemy in your relationship, I suggest you do an analysis first. Honestly assess if you feel safety and appreciation in your relationship. If you don’t, you will be wasting your time trying to undertake this type of alchemy with your current partner. I suggest you focus your efforts, instead, on the solitary practices mentioned in the Manuscript. If you still want to give it a try, get your partner to talk about these feelings of danger and lack of appreciation that you are feeling. Only if and when they get resolved, should you consider taking on this type of alchemy.

So now we have two of the three elements needed for alchemy: something to be transformed (the habitual patterns of interaction) and the container (the safety net, if you will, of the relationship itself). A third element is needed; and that is, of course, energy to drive the reaction. There is usually plenty of energy in relationships in the form of neurotic patterns, hopes, fears, and desires. We’ll get to those in a moment, but for now I want to talk about steel.

Our psychological selves are much like swords made from steel alloys. They have been forged in the hot searing foundry of our childhood, in the formative pressures of our early experiences. It is this early period of life that bonds the elements of our psyches together. And like steel, this was done under immense heat and pressure. Some of us were abused by overbearing or downright hostile or even destructive parents. Some of us were left to our own devices without any kind of support or guidance. And every kind of parental/child relationship falls in between these two polarities. The possibilities of childhood pressures are virtually endless, and so too are the psychological alloys that result from these types of experiences.

There is a lot of talk about the child within in many personal growth groups, and while there is certainly value in making contact with this younger self, it is not always pretty. Our cultural myth is that childhood is a time of innocence, a time in which everything is right with the world. For some children this is true; for many it is definitely not.

I remember being at a fellow therapist’s house for a party quite a few years ago. Most of the adults were practicing therapists, psychologists or psychiatrists. I had plopped myself in a big oversized sofa, and, sipping my Pepsi, I noticed a remarkable event. One of the therapists had brought his son and his son’s best friend to the party. It was clear that the two boys were buds. They were playing some kind of card game and respectfully giving each other a turn. There were no attempts at cheating, and they seemed to be in a bubble of camaraderie.

Then the boy’s father came into the room and asked both kids if they needed anything. They both looked up with cherub faces and smiled. No they said, in the cutest little boy voices. The father patted his son on the back, and as he walked off, he nonchalantly patted his son’s friend on the back as well. For a moment, his son looked at the incident in abject horror. You could see that he could not believe his eyes. And then as his father turned the corner into the other room, his son pulled back and hit his best friend in the face! This was not childhood innocence. This was childhood rage. He was not willing to share affections from his father, not even with his best friend. This type of jealousy is typical of higher mammals, and we are, for all our self-righteous self-congratulatory delusions, still mammals. No matter how high we get spiritually, we will, for as long as we live, share traits with our mammalian brothers and sisters.

The inner life of a child is often far different than those around him or her imagine it to be. Surrounded by both dangers and opportunities, the psychological life of a child is directly shaped by how he or she chooses to deal with them. Whether it is something as life threatening as a deranged parent or a child molester, or seemingly innocuous as whom to go to the prom with, does not in some ways matter. While the impact of fighting for one’s life may very well imprint a child’s behavior well into adulthood, the little decisions of life, like who to socialize with or not, also have impact. All these major and minor decisions create internal psychological heat and pressure. The alloys of one’s personality get bonded together or burned away. The sword has been tempered by the time we reach adulthood, and the alloy of our personalities has been set. Some of us emerge from this childhood foundry with rock hard edges; others of us are blunt. Some of us hold our edges, and some of us can never seem to hold anything.

The thing about steel is that it tends to remain in its original form once it leaves the foundry. And one of the few things that can ever re-configure the alloy is if the steel gets as hot as it did when it was first formed. In the alchemical work of Sacred Relationship, we voluntarily put ourselves back in the foundry. The heat that arises between two people when their neuroses rub against each other can get quite intense. If both people can find the courage to be radically honest with themselves and with each other in these searing moments, the psychological alloys can be altered. A new type of aliveness then enters the relationship fueled by the energy of psychological truth.

The thing is–most of us will do almost anything to avoid psychological heat. When we get uncomfortable, many of us get the hell out of Dodge. Now for some of us this means literally packing up and getting out of town, or at least out of sight. For some of us it means that we are physically present, but no longer emotionally present. We numb up. We become automatons. We move and talk, almost like normal, but we have retreated far, far inside. Others of us numb ourselves with alcohol or drugs. And some of us do it with television. We humans are, after all, quite clever and creative. We can find all sorts of ways to avoid facing ourselves. In fact, they are far too numerous for me to list here. But I suspect you get the idea. I guess the real question here is this–what do you do when things get psychologically too hot for your taste? What do you do when you are on the verge of feeling something that you don’t want to feel?
For those in Sacred Relationship such feelings are a call to presence. It is a time to be radically honest, and for both partners to express their true feelings no matter how embarrassing or scary they might be. By speaking their truths to each other, an enlivening element enters the dynamic. Psychological honesty results in psychological insight. And with insight there is hope for awareness, and with awareness there can be change. This chapter is hardly a manual for the Alchemy of Relationship. It’s mainly, I think, a warning. Magdalen alluded to this in the Manuscript. She called it obscurations to flight. That sounds wonderfully exotic doesn’t it? Well, it isn’t very exotic when the obscuration is clearly in your face. And it isn’t very exotic feeling when the foundry of the relationship gets so hot that you feel you are dissolving (psychologically that is). It takes courage and fortitude to stay in the foundry when the heat begins to weaken the stability of one’s self-perceived image. Few of us care to look foolish, scared, petty or jealous. And we will often go through elaborate means to hide these feelings from ourselves or others.

But in Sacred Relationship these things invariably float to the surface like mud that has been stirred up from the bottom of a barrel. The thing is to realize that this does not mean you are doing it (Sacred Relationship) wrong; it means that you are probably doing it right. As Magdalen said in the Manuscript, the power of the alchemy extrudes, or pushes out, the dross. This can be fascinating when the dross is being pushed out of your partner, but it is truly horrific when it extrudes out of you.

What makes Sacred Relationship sacred is that it is truly a holy way of being. The root of the word holy actually means to make whole. So… when we do something that creates wholeness (in this case psychological wholeness), we are engaged in a sacred or holy act.

In the crucible of mutual safety, honesty and appreciation, it is possible to forge a new kind of self. This new self is psychologically more honest, more aware and freer than its counterpart before entering the foundry of relationship. And like the phoenix that arises from its own ashes, this self has wings. It can fly places that it could only imagine before.

There are mysteries here, and treasures that await those who have the courage to enter the depths of themselves and their partners. It is not, as I said, for everyone. You will probably know if you are a likely candidate because you will feel it in your soul, your heart.

If you enter this path, know that there are no manuals. There is precious little guidance out there. The path to spirituality has traditionally been one of solitude. And while times of solitude may be necessary for those in Sacred Relationship, something has turned. They agree to walk the path to godhood together, side by side, through both heaven and hell, through the brilliant summits where all things are suddenly crystal clear, and through the dark valley of psychological death where it is hard to even see one’s foot in front of the other. And yet through the darkness of not knowing, a deep primordial force begins to rise up. It requires an unusual type of holy trinity – three things for it to do its most holy task- mutual safety, psychological honesty and appreciation of the Beloved.
Have a good journey!

© 2012 Tom Kenyon. All rights reserved.
You may make copies of this message and distribute it in any media as long as you change nothing, do not charge for it, credit the author, and include this complete copyright notice and web address.

The Safe Sex Talk and Sharing Your Sexual History

Sexual attraction is a fact of life. We meet that special someone and Bang! A powerful connection is made that leads an irresistible desire to have sex. It may be more common when you are young, single and feeling a bit impulsive, but it can happen to anyone, at any age.  We call it “sexual chemistry.” However, mixing chemicals can be dangerous if you lack information about how they will react when mixed together. Having unprotected sex with someone, without knowing their sexual history and is just as risky as mixing two unknown chemicals together. Sometimes the result maybe life threatening, sometimes a non-event and on rare occasions an amazing discovery is made.

Having the Safe Sex Talk

Sex is a healthy part of life and a powerful way to share love and intimacy. It is important to learn how to be clear and honest about your sexual history before engaging in sex. Unprotected sex can lead to infection, pregnancy, infertility, and life-threatening diseases.

  1. Know your own sexual history. Get tested for sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) regularly.
  2. Practice sharing your sexual history with a friend so you are comfortable talking about it.
  3. Get educated about STI’s- know their prevalence, risks, and treatments.
  4. Commit to discussing safer sex before engaging in any exchange of body fluids.
  5. Have the discussion in a neutral atmosphere, not as you are about to climb in bed together.
  6. Be prepared, carry condoms with you and know how to use them. Practice before hand.
  7. Know your bottom line. What risks are you NOT willing to take? Be ready to say NO!
  8. Pregnancy is also a risk of unprotected intercourse. Use birth control if you don’t want a baby.
  9. If you have taken risks in the past, don’t be afraid to get tested and treated.
  10. Love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries and honor them.

How to Begin

When you meet someone and feel that sexual chemistry is there be aware that you need to have the safer sex talk before you find yourself in a sexually charged situation. When the time feels right begin by acknowledging the attraction you feel. “Ever since we met I have been aware that I am very attracted to you sexually.” Find out if the feeling is mutual. There is no need to share your history with someone who has no desire to be sexual with you. If they are also interested in becoming sexually involved then tell them you would like to set aside a time to have a discussion about safer sex and to share your sexual histories with each other.

Getting Tested

Depending on how sexually active you have been, the last time you were tested and any risky behaviors you may have had since then, you may choose to go and get an STI exam and HIV test before you have the safer sex talk. This way you will have current information to share either before or shortly after your discussion. The testing can be done with your doctor’s office, at a public health center, or family planning clinic. STI’s tests may include: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea (the Clap), Syphilis, Candida (yeast infection), Hepatitis B, Herpes simplex 1 and 2, HIV, HPV (genital warts and cervical dysplasia), Crabs, and Trichomonis (trich). While you are there ask any questions you have and pick up information about birth control, STI’s and HIV.

Having the Talk

Meet in a private place when you won’t be disturbed. Make sure you have a couple of hours set aside so that you don’t have to stop in the middle. Turn off your cell phones. Bring your test results with you if you have them. One powerful way to begin is by each sharing your intention for this communication, any fears or concerns you have about this talk and any boundaries you need to express. A boundary is what you need to feel safe and stay open, it is not a wall, it is a bridge to help you stay present. A healthy boundary for this communication might be to agree that whatever is shared will remain confidential. Another type of boundary is, “I need to end by 10 pm.”

Then agree who will go first. Only one person should speak at a time. The other person listens quietly and only interrupts if they need to clarify a specific detail. When the first person is complete then switch roles. Topics to cover may include:

  • History of STI’s. Were they successfully treated? Last date tested.
  • HIV risks- IV drug use, unprotected anal sex, homosexual encounters, and unprotected sex with prostitutes. The results of your last HIV test results. Any risks since then?
  • History of risky behavior- unprotected sex or partners who had unprotected sex. IV drug use or partners who used IV drugs. Use of drugs and alcohol during or before sexual activity.
  • The number of sexual partners you have had. The risk of STI’s and HIV increases if you have unprotected sex with multiple partners.
  • History of rape, blood transfusions or other risks.
  • Agreeing to keep each other’s sexual history and test results confidential.

Sexual expression is important part of a healthy life-style and is wonderful way to share love and intimacy. This talk is the beginning of your relating on an intimate level with this person. Honesty is a great way to build respect and trust. Know that you are responsible for the choices you make. Only you can protect yourself. Don’t rely on someone else to protect you. Sex involves risk, as does all of life.  By practicing safer sex you are limiting the risks you are taking. You are making conscious choices and accepting the possible risks involved. The only 100% guarantee for avoiding the risk of STI’s and pregnancy is abstaining from sexual contact. I hope that this article supports you in having a healthy and enjoyable sex-life.

Copyright 2012 Crystal Dawn Morris

If you’d like to learn more about Conscious Sexuality and Tantra or want to attend Crystal’s events, please sign-up for her free monthly newsletter at: https://www.TantraforAwakening.com

Crystal Dawn Morris is a Certified Sky Dancing Tantra Teacher and the founder of Tantra for Awakening. She is committed to creating a more conscious and compassionate world. She offers Tantra workshops, Intimacy Coaching and Couples Retreats. She teaches a Tantra Teacher Certification program called The Art and Business of Teaching Tantra. She lives in Sedona, AZ where she practices yoga, writes and enjoys life. She loves to travel and is open to teaching and coaching in your community.

Yoni Talk and the Goddess Within

I just returned from teaching an Awakening the Goddess Within workshop in North Carolina. Being with this group of women was a fresh reminder of the power we tap into when we are able to stop and listen to our body-wisdom.

“Yoni,” is a Sanskrit word that means cosmic matrix. It is the word we use in Tantra to refer to a woman’s vagina. It is possible to tap into the wisdom held in this sacred part of the body. This practice allows you to access the wisdom held in your Yoni. You are lending your voice to your Yoni so it can communicate with you directly. The more you are able to relax and surrender to this process the easier it is to access the wisdom of your Yoni and experience its unique voice.

Set aside 30-60 minutes for this practice. Make sure the phone is turned off and let other people in your home know not to disturb you for the next hour. This practice can be done alone or with a partner. If done alone have your journal nearby so you can take notes afterwards. You may also choose to record the experience. If done with a partner, only one person speaks and the other acts as a witness. The witness may take notes if that feels appropriate to both parties. The witness should not interrupt the speaker while they are allowing their Yoni to speak.

The Heart Salutation

Begin this practice with a Heart Salutation. This is done by extending your arms towards the earth with your palms together. Then, inhale and keeping your hands in prayer position, bring them to your heart. Exhale, as you bow forward and acknowledge the Divine within yourself and each other. Inhale, as you straighten back up. Finally, exhale as you allow your hands to return to the starting position, pointed towards the earth.

The Bubble

Now, create a bubble around you (and your partner). Do this by waving your arms around both of you as you define the shape of the bubble that surrounds you. You will then be removing things from this bubble that won’t serve you during this practice (the past, distractions, anger, worry, etc.) Do this by making a  gesture as if removing an object from your bubble and verbally share what you are removing from the bubble out loud. Then, Next, state what things you want to bring into the bubble, these are things that will enhance your connection (love, willingness, presence, trust etc.) Make a gesture as if physically bringing them into the bubble. Creating the bubble helps to call you into present moment awareness and creates a safe space in which to practice Yoni Talk.

Share Your Desires, Fears and Boundaries

Once the bubble is created, share your intentions/desires, fears and boundaries related to this practice. First, one person speaks while the other person listens without judgment or commentary. Then you switch roles. Here is an example:

“I desire to stay present, open and connect deeply my Yoni.”

“My fear is that I will get self-conscious and freeze up.”

“My boundary is to stay connected, to feel what is arising and share even if I start to cry.”

Why boundaries? When I teach this practice in my classes, people often have resistance to setting boundaries. I explain that boundaries are not walls, they are bridges. Bridges helps to bring people together. Intimacy happens when people have healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries allow you to feel safe, stay open and be present. Boundaries are dynamic, so it is important to check-in periodically with yourself to see if your boundaries have changed. If they have changed, update your partner so they can honor your new boundaries. Here are a few examples:

“I need to end this practice by noon.”

“I don’t want to be touched during this process.”

“I want to stay present and open to your support. I would like you to remind me to open my eyes if I seem to be disconnecting from you.”

Yoni Talk

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Take slow, gentle, relaxing breaths into your belly. Relax deeply for about several minutes. As your exhale, breathe out any tension you are holding. As you inhale, breathe in life force energy (pnana/chi/ki) and feel your body becoming energized.

Once you are relaxed, focus your attention on your Yoni and place your hands over Yoni. Breathe into Yoni and begin to tune into this part of your body.  Ask her what she would like to be called ( Sacred Flower, Cosmic Cave or..) Invite her to speak.  Say out loud, something like “Sacred Flower, (use the name she has shared with you,) I desire to receive your wisdom and invite you to speak to me and give you my voice.”

Then allow Yoni to speak to you, in the first person, “I,  Sacred Flower,  want to share that I have been feeling ignored lately.  I notice you … I would like…. It would be helpful if…” Continue to tune in for 15 minutes or longer. There may be phases as the information is accessed. Stay present with the process until it feels complete. End with a Heart Salutation.

If you are alone, take time to journal.

If you are with a friend, share your experience verbally. Take a short break and then switch roles.

Notice how this experience impacts your life over the next few days and weeks.

By Crystal Dawn Morris, February,  2012. Adapted from The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margot Anand.

SkyDancing Tantra in Asheville, NC

Sex, Intimacy and Consciousness:

An Evening of SkyDancing

February 22, 7-9:30 pm

Asheville Tantra School

2 Westwood Place,

West Asheville, NC 28806

• Practice the 3 keys of SkyDancing Tantra

• Find out how sex and consciousness are related

• Learn how healthy boundaries increase intimacy

• Consciously connect and disconnect your sexual energy

Join Crystal Dawn Morris, Certified SkyDancing Tantra Teacher and founder of Tantra for Awakening in Sedona, AZ, for an evening of exploration and transformation using a variety of SkyDancing Tantra practices. Learn how SkyDancing Tantra can help you to feel more love, joy and connection in your relationships. Please wear comfortable clothes and bring a water bottle. Suggested donation is $10-20.

Awakening the Ecstatic Body Workshop Boston April 16-17

Discover the Magic of SkyDancing Tantra

April 16-17, 2011
Awakening the Ecstatic Body: Opening the Path to Bliss
Saturday 9:30am-9:30pm
Sunday 10am-6:30pm
Heaven on Earth, Pembroke MA 02359

$300 per person or $550 per couple
Sign up by April 1st and receive early bird discount.
Pre-registration required, please include your phone number.
To Register contact Crystal at Tantraforawakening dot com
Learn more at www.TantraforAwakening.com

In this experiential weekend you will:
Open your “Inner Flute”
Explore and attune your chakras
Expand your ability to tap into bliss
Participate in a heart opening Tantra ritual
Learn to communicate your desires effectively
Experience the Quantum Light Breath Meditation

By the end of the weekend you will feel an expanded flow of energy, awareness, and ecstasy throughout your being. You will leave this workshop with tools to create a more joyful, pleasure-filled, awakened life. This weekend is open to individuals and couples. There is no nudity in this class.

This workshop is facilitated by Crystal Dawn, a Certified SkyDancing Tantra Teacher. Crystal is known for her ability to create a safe space where magic unfolds. Her workshops and coaching sessions give people practical tools for ecstatic living. She draws on a diverse background of experience; as an RN, a Certified Nurse-Midwife, Reiki Master, Shamanic Practitioner and minister. She began her ministry in 1995 and it is committed to planetary awakening through meditation, self-inquiry, Tantra, shamanic healing, breath work, sacred sexuality, spiritual coaching and the arts. She will soon be releasing her book called, Awakening Your Inner Goddess, How to be a Juicy Women in 30 Days or Less. Crystal teaches internationally and speaks regularly at conferences.

Parenting for Social Change

This book was written by a woman I met at a Christmas Eve Brunch for Unschooling Mom’s that I attended with my daughter-in-law. It contains a powerful message. If we want to live in a world that supports authenticity we have to begin parenting consciously.

Transform Childhood, Transform the World

Parenting for Social Change is about creating new paradigms for parenting that affirm the dignity and respect the rights of all children.

The parent-child relationship is the foundation from which we learn how to interact in the world. As children many of us had our experiences invalidated, our voices silenced, and our needs and wants trivialized by parents or other adults. We learned that the world was controlled by those who had more power. Though we may have experienced glimpses or moments of a different way of being in the world, often those were few and far between. The paradigm of control and domination by those who had power was our primary experience.

A commitment to social justice parenting asks that we examine the biases and prejudices we have been taught about children and childhood. Through honest self-examination of our internalized beliefs and beginning the process of unlearning adultism, we can create deeper, more respectful, authentic, and joyful relationships with the children who share our lives.

We can create a world in which children’s voices and lived experiences have value and meaning in what has been adult-dominated world. Rather than seeing childhood as the training ground for a productive adult life, childhood and children can be valued in the here and now.

Social change parenting starts from within. Each of us with the willingness to move beyond the paradigms we were taught can create an amazing place for children (and adults!)in this world. There is not an end-point that results in perfect parenting or a perfect life, but rather an exciting process and journey of learning and growth! Please visit Teresa at her website https://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/
for more reviews, information, articles, ideas, etc.!!

Here is a review by an unschooling mom. See her full post at https://www.wanderwonderdiscover.com/

Parenting for Social Change by Teresa Graham Brett is a wonderful, thoughtful, and honest book for any parent who wants to change and transform their parenting from a place of control, to a place of respect and dignity. Teresa offers her experience, her insight, and her authentic self from her own journey from parental control to parental partnership. Her writing is informative, clear, and cites valuable research on how dominance damages children. She challenges us to question our own social views and how we may treat children as “adults-in-training”, rather than human beings with their own right to expression, opinion, and choice. I see so much of myself in her stories and examples as a former authoritarian parent. But, I must say, societal messages are so pervasive, as are our messages from childhood, that even the most peaceful of parents would benefit from reading this book to re-examine the subtleties of conditional love. Here is one of my favorite paragraphs from her book, pg. 96:

“Let’s be clear: our work as parents isn’t about doing things differently so our children will change. It’s not about finding the magic words or methods that will ensure compliance and eliminate disagreements. Instead, it’s about examining ourselves so that we can see how our ways of being with children have been constrained by our previously held beliefs, values, and attitudes. We do this so that we can experience authentic relationships with the children we love so that they can live their own lives, free of our baggage.”

5 Keys to Eye Gazing for Soulful Sex

A Timeless Practice

The eyes are the “windows to the soul.” When we gaze deeply into the eyes of another person, we can see beyond their physical body and personality into their essence. The practice of eye gazing is an ancient practice found in both Hindu and Buddhist Tantra as well as in the Sufi tradition. This practice is considered to be a path to enlightenment. It is a wonderful way to connect at the soul level. It can to done with your beloved before and during sex.

Eye gazing is something you have probably done naturally, while gazing into the eyes of a newborn baby or when you first fell in love. Even when you are in a conversation and maintain eye contact, you are doing a less focused form of eye gazing. Eye gazing can be done as a one-on-one meditation with a friend or beloved. It can also be done solo by gazing into a mirror. You can integrate it into daily life by engaging people briefly, in passing, with the intent that when you meet their eyes you will see beyond their form, into their essence. Some of the benefits of this practice include: becoming more present, opening your heart and expanding your awareness of the Divine in all beings.

1) The Heart Salutation

You begin this practice by acknowledging the Divine in each other with a Heart Salutation. Sit across from your partner and look into their eyes. Maintaining eye contact throughout the rest of the process, begin by extending your arms towards the earth, palms together. Then, inhale and keeping your hands in prayer position, bring them to your heart. Exhale, as you bow forward and acknowledge the Divine in each other with the Sanskrit salutation “Namaste,” which means “I honor the Divine in you as a reflection of the Divine within me.” Inhale, as you straighten back up. Finally, exhale as you allow your hands to return to the starting position, pointed towards the earth.

2) The Bubble

Now, create a bubble around you and your partner. Do this by waving your arms around both of you defining the shape of the bubble that surrounds you. Then gesture, as if removing an object from your bubble and verbally say out loud what you are removing from the bubble. These are things that won’t serve you in this practice (the past, distractions, anger, worry, etc.) Next, gesture and state what things you want to bring into the bubble. These are things that will enhance your connection (love, willingness, presence, trust etc.) At this point, you may want to offer an appreciation or blessing to the other person (“I honor your heart, which gives so much love to the world.”) Creating the bubble helps to call you into present moment awareness and creates a safe space in which to practice the eye gazing meditation.

3) Share Your Desires, Fears and Boundaries

Once the bubble is created, share your intentions/desires, fears and boundaries related to this practice. First, one person speaks while the other person listens without judgment or commentary. Then you switch roles. Here is an example:

“I desire to stay present, open and connect deeply to your soul.”

“My fear is that I will get self-conscious and will start acting silly.”

“My boundary is to stay connected to you, even if resistance arises.”

Why boundaries? When I teach this practice in my classes, people often have resistance to setting boundaries. I explain that boundaries are not walls, they are bridges. Bridges help bring people together. Intimacy happens when people have “healthy” boundaries. Healthy boundaries allow you to feel safe, stay open and be present. Boundaries are dynamic, so it is important to check-in periodically with yourself to see if your boundaries have changed. If they have changed, update your partner so they can honor your new boundaries. Here are a few examples:

“I need to end this practice by noon.”

“I don’t want to be touched during this meditation.”

“I am committed to staying present in this practice. If I go into thinking, I will close my eyes for a moment and bring myself back into the practice.”

4) Eye Gazing Practice

Once you have created the bubble and shared your desires, fears and boundaries, begin the eye gazing practice. Traditionally, it is recommended that you begin by gazing into left eye. This is because the left side of the body is considered to be the receptive side. Use a soft gaze. This is not a staring contest. It is ok to change eyes if and when you feel called too. Just relax, breathe and allow the experience to unfold. Notice what arises without judging it. Be open and curious, like a child.

You can do this practice for as long as you want. I suggest you begin with 2 to 5 minutes of eye gazing the first time you try it. Then close your eyes, go inside and reconnect internally for 1-2 minutes. When you are ready, open your eyes and begin again. Extend the time as you get more comfortable with the process. Doing this practice for an extended period of time can take you to new levels of connection. Set aside a time when you can practice for 45 to 60 minutes. Eye gazing is a great way to discover how open you are and to notice when resistance arises. If you feel resistance, allow it to be there. Feel it and see if you can allow it to melt away.

5) Share Your Insights

Afterward discuss your experience with your partner. How does it feel to be seen? How does it feel to look deeply into another person? Were you able to see beyond their body and personality? Did you notice their face changing form? Did you feel your heart open? This is a great practice for developing intimacy. It can be helpful to keep a journal of your experiences.

Eye gazing is a simple and powerful practice. It cuts though illusion and opens the door to Truth. When done regularly, it can transform your understanding of who you are. Even if this is the only Tantric practice you ever do, you could Awaken through it alone. I invite you to practice eye gazing with your friends as well as your lovers. When done before and during sex eye gazing can enhance your connection both sexually and spiritually, making love then becomes a powerful meditation.

Copyright 2011 Crystal Dawn Morris

Erotic Touch for Friends and Lovers

Erotic touch is a wonderful way to exchange sexual energy with a friend or lover. Depending on your boundaries you may choose to include genitals or you may prefer not to include them.  This practice is about exploring pleasure whether or not you decide to make love.

Preparation

Prepare a warm, quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed for the next 2 hours. Make sure all phones are turned off. Light some candles and put on some relaxing, romantic music.

Conscious Communication

Begin by creating the bubble around you and your partner. Do this by defining the bubble with your arms so that surrounds both of you. This helps call you into present moment  and create a safe space in which to offer erotic touch. Take a moment to look into each others eyes and honor the god/goddess within.  Next, remove things from the bubble that won’t serve you in this process (the past, distractions, anger, worry, etc.) Do this by gesturing as if you are removing an object from your bubble as you state what you are removing. Once you are done removing things you next want to bring things into your bubble that will enhance your connection (love, willingness, presence, trust etc.)

Share Your Desires, Fears and Boundaries

Once the bubble is created, share your desires, fears and boundaries related to giving and receiving an erotic massage. One person speaks while the other person listens without judgment or commentary. Then you switch roles. Here is an example:

“I desire to stay present, open and connect to my erotic energy.”

“My fear is that I may fall asleep and you may feel hurt or disappointed.”

“My boundary is to play with my sexual edge and to trust the process.

“I would like to end at 11 pm.”

Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are not walls, they are bridges and bridges bring people together. Intimacy arises when healthy boundaries are honored. Then you to feel safe, are open and present. Boundaries are dynamic, so check-in periodically to see if your boundaries have changed. If they have changed tell your partner, don’t expect them to read your mind.

Giving an Erotic Massage

Invite the receiver to lay face-down and help them to get comfortable. Ground yourself, see this massage as an opportunity to worship the body of your beloved. Attune yourself to their energy for a couple of minutes by breathing with them.

Begin to awaken their skin by lightly stroking them with feathers, fur or the tips of your fingers. When you are ready cover their body with warm oil and use long, slow strokes. Encourage them to take deep breaths, make sounds and allow the energy in the body to awakened and move. Use different parts of your body, such as your hair, arms and chest. Be creative.

About half-way through the allotted time, invite them to roll over. Massage the front of their body with warm oil using long strokes. Introducing sound can be powerful, for activating the energy body. Try toning with them using sounds like, Ahh, Yumm or Omm.

If you have agreed it is within your boundaries and they seem ready, offer to explore their genitals. Begin on the outside using oil. Go slow at first. Allow them time to release any tension in the area. Listen to their body. Watch  how it responds to your touch. Focus on what gives them pleasure. Try different strokes. Be creative. If you are going to do internal massage use a water-based lubricant. How much pleasure are they open to receiving? Explore the possibility of multiple orgasms.

Close by spooning together, connecting at the heart with love, compassion and gratitude. Help them to sit up and end by gazing into each others eyes and bowing. Offer them water or juice to drink and chocolate or fruit to eat. You may want to share what this experience was like for each of you. How was it to give and to receive in this way?

SkyDancing Tantra in Sedona January 29-30, 2011

Saturday, January 29- Sunday January 30
Awakening the Ecstatic Body : Opening the Path to Bliss

  • Open you Inner Flute
  • Explore and attune your chakras
  • Expand your ability to tap into bliss
  • Learn to communicate your desires effectively

By the end of the weekend you will feel an expanded flow of energy, awareness, and ecstasy throughout your being. You will leave this weekend with tools to create a more joyful, pleasure-filled, awakened life. This weekend is open to individuals and couples. There is no nudity in this class.

This workshop is facilitated by Crystal Dawn Morris, a Certified SkyDancing Tantra Teacher, assisted by Jim Miller. Crystal is known for her ability to create a safe space where magic unfolds. Her workshops and coaching sessions give people practical tools for ecstatic living.
$300 per person / Sliding scale available